Mates, Dates, and Pregnant Women
by Dahlia Reynolds
Summary: Harry lives in the U.S. as a representative for the United Kingdom. Ron and Hermione want him to return, so they decide to tell Harry that Ginny is pregnant,to make him jealous. They,in turn,come up with their own trick to get back at the two...MWAHAHA HG
1. Prologue

Title: Mates, Dates, and Pregnant Women

**Rating: PG 13 (Teen)**

**Author: Dahlia Reynolds**

**Book: Harry Potter**

**Pairings: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione**

**Time: One year after graduating from Hogwarts**

**Summary: Harry has graduated from Hogwarts and is now living in the U.S. as a representative for the United Kingdom's Wizarding Society Auror System. Ron and Hermione desperately want him to return, so they devise a plan; they will tell Harry that Ginny is pregnant, attempting to make him jealous over his girlfriend. The problem? Gin and Harry were never together, and Gin is still a virgin. So the two decide to play a trick of their own…..MWAHAHAHA! **

**Prologue**

"I never want to hear the word Quidditch coming from your mouth _again_, Ronald Weasley, do you understand me?" Hermione screeched at her cowed husband.

"But Herm, why? What's wrong with Quidditch? Besides, now that Harry's gone, who else can I talk to? You're supposed to be my WIFE!"

"Well then, why didn't you marry Harry? You may as well have anyway, considering the fact that we can't go a bloody HOUR without you fire-calling or owling the man. What is WRONG with you two!"

He glared angrily at her. "I'm not the only one who's half in love with him! Look at you! _Oh, poor Harry, off all by himself! What will we do without him! We haven't been separated for this long in seven years! _Oh, boo sodding hoo! No one cares, Hermione!"

"Well, apparently you do! And I'm not the only one who was sobbing when he left! As I recall, _you _cried into _MY _shoulder that day, thank you very much! Totally screwed up my robes, too! I looked horrible for the rest of the day, thanks to you!"  
"Nope, you did that one all on your own, with your constant crying!"

About to reply, she paused. Suddenly, something dawned on her. "Ron, we shouldn't be arguing with each other because we miss him! We need to find a way to get him BACK!" She grinned smugly. "And I know _exactly_ how to do it."


	2. Chapter 1

Title: Mates, Dates, and Pregnant Women

**Rating: PG 13 (Teen)**

**Author: Dahlia Reynolds**

**Book: Harry Potter**

**Pairings: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione**

**Time: One year after graduating from Hogwarts**

**Summary: Harry has graduated from Hogwarts and is now living in the U.S. as a representative for the United Kingdom's Wizarding Society Auror System. Ron and Hermione desperately want him to return, so they devise a plan; they will tell Harry that Ginny is pregnant, attempting to make him jealous over his girlfriend. The problem? Gin and Harry were never together, and Gin is still a virgin. So the two decide to play a trick of their own…..MWAHAHAHA! **

**Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to J.K. Rowling, unfortunately. However, you can tell its our plot, as not even she would come up with something so genius! Lol.**

**Chapter 1:**

Harry threw himself down onto his bed, closing his eyes with a sigh. He loved his job, really he did, but why were these Americans such _idiots_¹! And what is so bloody _great_ about my so-called accent! I don't have an accent; it's all these gits!

He pulled off his tie and was beginning to unbutton his shirt (no robes here, thank you, he had been told…..only about four billion times. Stupid Americans and their 'radical' ideas.) when an owl with a fiery red envelope grasped tightly in its claws entered the room through the open window.

_Oh, what in the bloody hell!_ He thought, rather frightened as he recalled a similar envelope sent by Mrs. Weasley in their second year. And though this one was probably _not_ about dragging him back home by his ear if he had a toe out of line again, it was still a rather unnerving experience.

"**HARRY! YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT MY" **we wont mention these words, as they do not need to be repeated, **"SISTER DID! SHE WENT AND GOT HERSELF KNOCKED UP! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! GAH! YOU HAVE TO RETURN IMMEDIATELY AND AID ME IN KILLING THE WANKER THAT DID THIS TO HER!"**

Harry stared blankly at the now flaming envelope, not quite comprehending what was being told. After several moments of calm, thoughtful silence, there was a flurry of movement inside #5, Dragon Claw Inn, when Harry tossed aside the still burning Howler, not bothering to notice that he was flinging ashes throughout the room and a small fire was now starting on his curtains, he was so intent on getting to the bottom of this newly presented problem.

Throwing a handful of floo powder into the fireplace, he called out sharply, "Hogwarts, Gryffindor Common Room". Being the savior of the Wizarding world had many privileges, he noted, happy about his status for once. His happiness would not last more than three seconds, however, as at that moment the Lion's den appeared before him, and in it a redheaded young woman sat chatting merrily with her friends. He scowled once again before grinding out, "Virginia Leanne Weasley, what in the sodding hell do you_ THINK _you were doing! Do you realize how incredibly, completely, utterly STUPID that is, to do…." He turned a bright shade of red, "THAT while you are still in school! Why would you in the first place! How could you be such an…..IMBECILE!"

She looked at him, bewildered for a second before excusing herself from her friends and walking slowly over to sit before the fireplace, making her eyelevel with an extremely angry (not to mention powerful) savior of the world. **Gulp.**

Calmly, she suggested, "Why don't you tell me what you are speaking of, and I will tell you if I did in fact do it, how and why I did it?"

He was about to speak, but she raised a hand. "Also, you need to quiet down _just_ a bit, as the whole common room is now watching you." He glanced around, only to find, much to his chagrin, that a common room full of amused (and somewhat frightened) Gryffindors were staring apprehensively in his direction.

"I just got a howler from Ron and Hermione," he whispered to her, to which she replied, "You _can_ speak louder than _that_ you know."

He glared at her before continuing, voice now even, "_Anyway, _Ron was screaming about you being _pregnant_! Now, tell me, how did this come to pass?"

Ginny stared at him for a minute. "He told you WHAT? First of all, I'm NOT pregnant,and probablyNEVER WILLBE! Besides, how CAN I be pregnant? I'm still a-" she cut herself off. " Nevermind that. I don' t know why they would make up something like that, but I WILL make them pay." she added with the same evil grin as Fred and George. "I will make them pay dearly."

He looked at her for several long moments before a crafty, sly expression (some would call it positively Slytherin, but how could _Harry Potter_, epitome of everything light, EVER be compared to that?) stole over his face. "It'll be tough to get them back, but...I'm game if you are. I can't believe they did this to us, the stupid prats," Harry exclaimed, outraged.

"Oh. We'll get them back," Ginny told him. "We are going to make them wish they WERE telling the truth." She gasped. "That's IT! Harry, come on. We've got major planning to do."

They had forgotten about the Griffyndor common room, all of themstill watching and listening in some sort of awe.

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¹**Just so you know, we are Americans ourselves. We just thought it would be rather humorous. No offense intended!**

Thanks to:

phoenixtear19: We're so glad you like it! Hope you liked this chappie! hands you cookie for reviewing

REVIEW PEOPLE! REVIEWERS GET COOKIES! LOTS AND LOTS OF COOKIES!

**Dahlia Reynolds**

**(Magical Maniac Girl and Dreamerdoll)**


	3. Chapter 2

**Title: Mates, Dates, and Pregnant Women **

**Rating: PG 13 (Teen)**

**Author: Dahlia Reynolds**

**Book: Harry Potter**

**Pairings: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione**

**Time: One year after graduating from Hogwarts**

**Summary: Harry has graduated from Hogwarts and is now living in the U.S. as a representative for the United Kingdom's Wizarding Society Auror System. Ron and Hermione desperately want him to return, so they devise a plan; they will tell Harry that Ginny is pregnant, attempting to make him jealous over his girlfriend. The problem? Gin and Harry were never together, and Gin is still a virgin. So the two decide to play a trick of their own…..MWAHAHAHA! **

Harry and Ginny's eyes glittered maliciously as they approached the small picket gate that led to the petite cottage of Ron and Hermione Weasely. Normally, they would comment on the beauty of the colorful flowers blooming along the walkway, or how homely the place looked, but at this moment, they were too busy with the single thought now filling both of their minds; their plot to get back at the married couple.

Harry tapped lightly on the rough wooden door entering into the house, and, after waiting several moments, the face of Hermione peeked out through one of the panes of glass. They watched, somewhat amused, as her expression turned from mild curiosity to one of childhood glee, and the door was quickly sprung open. As they stepped inside the entryway, they were immediately assaulted by a frantic Hermione thrusting herself in their arms, all the while squealing, "Harry! Ginny! Oh, it's so good to see you! I've been so bored around here without you! Work is interesting enough, but married life is not all its cracked up to be! All Ron wants to do is sit around and talk about Quidditch or have-"

She was cut off by Harry's hand being placed over her mouth. "Hermione, while I love you dearly, I really do not wish to know all of what you and Ron do in your spare time, thank you." With that, he removed his hand.

She turned a bright shade of red and cleared her throat. "Right," before turning away from him, and calling, her voice no longer joyful and instead rather sharp, "Ronald Bilius Weasley! Get down here! We have company!" They heard a rather painful sounding thump from somewhere above their heads, and Hermione gave a satisfied nod of the head before turning back to face them.

"Right then. I think we'll have a bit of tea while we chat. Let me just whip something up quickly. Really though," she said, her tone suddenly turning reproving, "If you would have owled and told us you were coming, I would have something prepared." With a sigh, she continued, "Well, no matter now. We'll just have to make do with what we have here."

She gestured to the table placed snugly in a niche of the room, and moments later Ron appeared. "Herm? You said we had guests?"

Ginny rolled her eyes, but Harry just grinned. "Hey, 'Ronald Bilius Weasley'", he greeted teasingly. Ron flinched, but smiled widely at his best friend. "Hi, guys. What are you two doing here?"

Harry glanced at Hermione, who was now waving her wand to collect all the needed supplies for their tea. She just waved him away. "Oh, go ahead, start already. I'm a professional spell caster; I can do this stuff in my sleep. You talking won't distract me!"

He just shook his head, inwardly smirking. They were about to be in for the surprise of their life.

"Well, you see, after I received your howler-a little loud, by the way, Ron, I think you need to take a few deep breaths-I decided it would be wise to have this discussion face to face."

The color in Ron's face disappeared as he glanced nervously at his wife, who ignored him altogether. "Ah, well, about that…"

Suddenly, Ginny burst out in a wave of tears. "I don't know how you found out! I-we-wanted to be the ones to tell you! We were so careful not to let anything slip, we wanted you to find out from us, but, well….I guess you guys already know."

Ron stood up, toppling his chair as he did so. "KNOW WHAT! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! NOTHING, I TELL YOU, NOTHING!"

Hermione looked slightly puzzled for a moment, but continued her spell work, bringing the cakes from the oven and to the table.

Harry smiled benignly at his friend. "Oh, Ron, you don't have to pretend anymore. We figured it out; we already know that you know!"

"YOU KNOW I KNOW WHAT? I TOLD YOU, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW I KNOW!" Ron was now going a shade of red previously known to only the best of tomatoes.

Harry raised a brow. "Okay, Ron. Do you want me to spell it out for you? Gin and I are _pregnant_."  
Hermione cursed, and the teapot held askew on the tip of her wand suddenly slammed towards Harry, who ducked just in time. The room was silent as it crashed into the wall just before his head, but the 'couple' knew that it was just the calm before he storm. And what a big storm it would be.

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Thank you everyone who reviewed, and sorry for the slow update! Sorry for the delay, btw!  
Dahlia Reynolds  
(Magical Maniac Girl and Dreamerdoll)

**gaul1: Thanx!**

**Allison Carroll: LOL...**

**Ellie: LOL. Thank you...we could both just imagine American wizards being considered 'rebels' like that, so...LOL. And thank you for telling us! We'll be sure to go back and change it...**

**Does it really matter: Thanks for the review...We'll try and make the chappies longer...We're glad you liked!**

**2INsanitiesin1: We will, and Thnx!**

**Nightwing509: LOL. Thanks, we will!**

**Phoenixtear19: LOL. You are very entertaining, and a great reviewer...Glad you liked the story, and we'll try to update sooner!  
**

Oatmeal cookies (or whatever type you desire) for reviewers!  
Dahlia Reynolds


	4. Chapter 3: Marriage

**Mates, Dates, and Pregnant Women**

_A/N: Sorry, but we, as Kaitlin has just brilliantly stated, are stupid people who don't ever update. That about sums it up. You see, the reason we never updated was because we didn't really have time, considering everything else that was going on, such as finals, holidays, homework, etc. So have sympathy for our sorry arses by reading and reviewing. We promise to update faster in the future!  
Dahlia Reynolds (Tori and Kaitlin) _

* * *

**Chapter 3:**

Ginny and Harry were correct in assuming that this silence was indeed only the calm before a storm. And this storm- tornado, it would more correctly be- came by way of one Ron Weasley, youngest brother to one party, best friend to another.

In a deadly voice reminiscent of the recently vanquished Dark Lord, Hermione bit out, "You and Ginny are….pregnant. How in the _hell_ did this happen?"

Harry grinned embarrassedly and twisted in his seat before beginning, "Well, you see Mione, when two people (usually a boy and a girl) love each other very much, they-" He was cut off by Ron's yell.

"I don't want to hear this! I'm going to kill you, you" again, we choose to cut out several words here, because Ron's language is not appropriate as well as rather limited, and he will later be punished by his wife for it. "bastard! How dare you go and KNOCK UP MY SISTER! I'll KILL you, I will!"

Though rather amused, in his head, Harry was, we're sure, kicking himself for his lack of foresight. Of course Ron would be extremely peeved with him. However, he should have been paying attention to the goings-on around him, because Ron was taking his threat quite seriously and had, at that moment, jumped across the table to strangle his best friend. Or perhaps we should say once best friend, considering the fact that his hands are now around Harry's throat in a less than friendly way.

Hermione lazily removed her wand from her robes and, conscious of the fact that Harry's face was now turning blue, and she wasn't likely to get answers from him this way, _Wingardium leviosa'_da her husband to another part of the room before setting him down rather hardly and returning her wand to her pocket. Full of rage and fury, she then slowly walked over to Harry, who in turn cringed as he awaited the explosion that was sure to come.

"You got Gin- sweet little innocent Gin (here the girl in question flinched slightly and rolled her eyes)- PREGNANT? Are you HAPPY you took advantage of a girl that is not even out of school yet? Are you HAPPY that you BETRAYED the Weasley's trust in such a way? Are you HAPPY that-"

At that moment Ron fell to the floor in a dead faint, barely missing hitting his head on the edge of the coffee table. Hermione returned to the conversation, a strange glint in her eye. "Are you HAPPY that you nearly killed my husband with the news? Are you HAPPY that he will be ranting endlessly for the next five years, leaving ME to listen? Are you HAPPY that-"

Harry cut her off at that point. "Yes, actually, I am rather HAPPY with this; look what I got out of the deal!" He grinned widely at Gin.

Ginny turned pink for a moment and smiled shyly back, glad that she didn't have to fake her embarrassment. Or happiness, for that matter, though she would deny it vehemently if questioned later.

Hermione took a moment to "aww" at the sweetness of the statement before her face once more became hard and unyielding. "Well, I'm glad _YOU_ are, because no one else is at this point! I've a question for you, you inconsiderate ass. How is Ginny supposed to finish school with this problem? How will she complete her education, huh Harry? Since you seem to have the most brilliant answers to everything, why don't you share?"

Ginny turned an angry shade of red and stated, quite pissed, "He doesn't have to share anything with you! This is GIN's problem-if, indeed, it is a problem- NOT Hermione and Ron's. Yeah, Harry aided me in getting "KNOCKED UP" as Ron says, but I HAD A PART IN IT TOO! It WAS consensual, THEREFORE it was JUST as much MY fault as it was his!"

Harry smiled gratefully at his savior before sticking his tongue out at Hermione. "Hah. I don't have to answer if I don't want to. So there!"

His friend just rolled her eyes. "Very mature, Harry. If you are going to have a child and get married, you must act more your age."

"AND GET _WHAT_?" Harry questioned loudly, rubbing his ears, for he was sure that something must be wrong, because he COULDN'T have just heard what he had thought he'd heard.

Hermione looked at him, surprised with his outburst. "Why, married of course! What else could you do? You can't just saddle Gin with all of the responsibilities, and she not even out of Hogwarts yet. You'll have to get married soon, I think, before Gin starts showing. Maybe this fall, when she has a break at school, so she doesn't have to worry about missing school; Fall weddings are beautiful anyway, wouldn't you say?" She looked expectantly over at the other two, and now it was Harry's turn to faint.

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Okay, once again, we'd like to apologize for our lack of updating. We hope you all liked the chapter, and promise to update more soon!

**Reviw Responses:**

**Phyre's Child 13:** LOL. Well, how about this? If you review now, you can have another one. _winks_ Anyway, we're glad you liked the chapter!

**Allison Carroll: **LOL. I wouldn't want that kind of shock, I don't think! Glad you enjoyed!

**PhoenixTear19: **I'm glad you appreciate my baking skills. :D We're so glad you liked it, and I agree, they all deserve what they have coming. ;)

**Jace's Cage: **Lol. We're glad you liked the story so much! I'm not overly fond of oatmeal cookies either, personally, though Kaitlin is. So, chocolate chip cookies for you. Dozens of them, if you so desire. _Winks_ Anyway, I'm v. happy you enjoyed Hermione-she was very fun to write in here!

**Honey P: **LOL. We thought so too-Ron being in love with Harry, that is! _grins_ Thanks for the review, and the compliment!

**GinnyPotter89: **We will be sure to update more frequently in the future, we swear:D Thanks fortelling us; though we most likely won't go back and change it now, we will be sure to remember thatfor coming stories!

**kate:**thanks!

**HaydenRocks14:** Nice to have a reviewer who appreciates evilness as much as we ourselves do. MWAHAHAHAHA! Glad you like!

**Ellie: **I never thought of it that way, but you're right! LOL. Glad you enjoy!

**Me: **Thanks, and we will!

**Shantelle: **We will, of course, add romance...it's the whole point of the story, or will be at least...we can't write a decent story without it! LOL. However, we must first build up to it. Thanks for the compliment!

**Dagon: **So do we:D

**The Weaving Wheel: **LOL. We were just talking about how much we love you as a reviewer. :D We will of course, continue:D

**An AMERICAN (or that same American): **We've chosen to remark on this review seperately...

_dreamerdoll: First, lets start with this: you don't have to be reading this story if we piss you off that much, and truthfully, if you are going to react like this to a slight joke, then we'd probably appreciate it if you didnt, considering the first comment we recieved from you. As for the joke, it was exactly that. We were just screwing around. We weren't meaning to insult anyone in any way, however, as Harry and the rest are from England, of course they will have slightly different opinions of us, as we are more radical in some ways. If it disturbs you so much, stop reading it! _

_Magical Maniac Girl: Darn, I knew she'd take all the good points! -snaps fingers- Crap. Anyway, I would firstly like to ask you not to use foul language or even MASKED foul language as neither of us appreciate it.. Also, I noticed that out of all of our reviewers, none of them happened to find our comment offensive in any way... If they had, I'm sure they would have confronted us about it in a POLITE andCIVIL manner, and I highly doubt none ofthem are from the US. So yeah,you sort of complimented us in yourreview so I will thank you for the only sign of kindness you seemed to show. _

**Once again, thanks to our reviewers, and cookies -of any variety- if you review again!**

**the duo of Dahlia Reynolds, AKA Tori (dreamerdoll) and Kaitlin (Magical Maniac Girl)**


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